the dilemma of desire... and the reality

i saw a pair of shoes that i like a few months ago, but i didn't buy it...

the next time i want to get a pair of shoes, i went back to the same place, but it's not there anymore.

i looked high and low with the hope of finding the same pair or something similar, but no such luck...

few months later, i found a similar pair. for the fear of missing it again, i bought it.

but, the more i look at it, i asked myself, do i really like it that much?

now... the question is...

do i want to look pretty in a pair of uncomfortable shoes, or should i settle for otherwise?

we think we do... but do we really know what we want?

as i reflect back, i realised that i've been trying to live up to a self fulfilling prophecy that is constructed by none other than yours truly.

what is the reality? whose reality? how is this reality significant to me?

i had the chance, but i did not grab it. i didin't know i want it so badly until i realise what i've been doing to find it. when i finally found it, and got it, it doesn't seem to be what i want. having it doesn't change the fact that i still don't have what i want... what am i looking for now?