are you happy?

these few days of unexpected break really did gave me ample time to think about stuffs. stuffs about life, about work... about relationship...

some ppl may say if u believe in what u are doing ur pay don't matter, but what if one day u find that u are not earning enough; u start noticing how miserable ur pay is, how your office culture disgust you, does it mean that u dun believe in what you do anymore?

i believe it's hardly the case, but we've all got to face it... can passion alone feed u? (of cos we are not talking about lawyers, doctors and the likes of it..)

at the end of the day, if you are hungry; be it biological, psychologically or socially, 'happiness' is far-fetch.

are you happy?

being immerse in work has made me oblivious to things that are happening in my life. even though at the back of my mind, i know these people will always be there. sometimes i would talk myself into believing that they are, too, busy with their own life. but isn't it how, people gradually grow apart?

the truth is, i know people around me are being very understanding of the circumstance that i am in. there is also the 'expectation' that they would be, as they can see for themselves how much time i spend at work. i admit that i had said things like "i'm so tired, why dun they understand?" but on hindsight, I also asked myself, am i also being understanding to them?

it just so happens that when time is at stake, between all the other commitments, somehow work has to come first, by default. it's usually your friends and family's time being compromised. you then comfort yourself by say 'i'll make it a point to hang out with them next week'. but by next week, you'll say 'i finally got a weekend off, maybe i should just spend it doing nothing'.

all those talks about work-life balance... unless you make work your life... otherwise... i really have no idea how anyone can get away with it.

the answer is.. i'm grateful for the nice people i meet at work who makes it easier to bear... but i believe i can be happier...

hence...

it's really only a matter of time.

i just have to decide how soon.